dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
