Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
