I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's Friday. Sex?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
