i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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