So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize