it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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