dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
