We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
