omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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