I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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