Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
