friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
