i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need water and some morals
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
