I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's shark week go big or go home
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
