1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I supernannyed him into submission
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
