last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And then he peed in my hair
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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