There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
