I just cut my nipple shaving
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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