I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
