I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
