I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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