just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
