Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
