We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
