The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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