Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
