I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.