i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Welp...herpes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
