Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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