At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize