You can't special order awesome
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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