She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
