ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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