your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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