Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
