the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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