I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
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So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
