he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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