i just had sex bonerless
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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