So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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