She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
