Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My ass is underappreciated
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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