the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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