dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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