party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
