As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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