It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.