you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I have feelings that need drinking.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.