Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
