for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
