That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
