dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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