Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
