oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
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We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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