Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We are all done wearing pants today
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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