Need sex. Gaining weight.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
