id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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