Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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