He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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