my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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