yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
