According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
