Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
