Will you blow on my dice?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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