Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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