she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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