I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
