you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
