I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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