I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
