Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He shit in the fireplace
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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