I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
