Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
3pm strippers are depressing
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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