I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
