I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
