Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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