well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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