we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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