he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
