So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
