last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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