i think my tv is drunk
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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