Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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