Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
